A funny thing has happened. I've mellowed. I'm not sure when this happened, but I'm quite sure that it has. I'm still not patient, I'm still sarcastic, and I still have run-ins with stupid people who drive me crazy, but I am definitely mellower... Or maybe it's not more mellow, but maybe less jaded. I thought you were supposed to become more jaded with age. But I think I was overly-jaded overly-early. Now, there's less angst, less anger, less cynicism, less boredom. More tolerance, more empathy, more trust, more self-confidence. Self-confidence is a funny thing. In high school, everyone told me how smart I was, patted me on the back for this or that, or put a big gold star on my paper (OK, that was elementary school). But with all that validation, I was still miserable. Now, external validation of that sort happens a lot less. There's no one in the real world that is going to congratulate you on your every move with a big shiny balloon bouquet. And that's OK with me. Because somewhere along the line, it stopped mattering what other people thought. Not entirely, of course, but now there's happiness with who I am, a contentment with the decisions I've made in the past and my plans, however unclear, for the future. And they might be the right decisions, they might be the wrong decisions. But that's OK, because they're my decisions, and I have to believe things will work out for the best. Sometimes, I almost think I'm an optimist. Now there's a shocker. Seven, eight years ago, who'd have seen that coming? But, overall (some days as notable exceptions of course) life is good.

And there is my deep, pensive, self-reflective blog for the month. I felt like I needed to, after yesterday's entry about farts and asses.

SOTD: Pat Green, Wave on Wave... I'm just looking for a happy ending, all I'm looking for is you

Posted by blueostrich at 8:41 PM
Something to say?