I figured out today that I can't ever be fired. Not ever. Nor am I at risk to lose my jobs in layoffs. I am a truly indispensable employee... How do I know such a thing? Because I have a very unique skill. One that only I possess..................

I know how to put paper in the printer. Yes, that's right. I know how to go to the supply room and select a ream of the proper paper. Then, I know how to open the little drawer and slide the paper in. Then, I know how to push the little button that again begins the paper feeding through the machine. I'm the only one. Just me.

Now, this may not seem like such a tough skill to master. However, I remain the only person in my office that puts paper in the printer. I find it hard to believe that coincidence has had it for this long that the printer always needs paper just when I need to print.... So now, after nearly 2 years, I have come to the conclusion that the only feasible explanation can be that I am the only one who knows how. Otherwise, why wouldn't others put paper in the printer?

I was thinking of offering some classes. Maybe an online tutorial. But then I realized that that would take away my one unique skill and open me up to layoffs and firings. So it's going to be just me and the printer from here on out. Me, the printer, and job security.

And while I'm on the subject of printers.... I don't understand why the printer makers (HP, I'm talking to you) can't make a paper drawer that fits an entire ream of paper. All 500 sheets. Not 430. Not 470. All 500. I want to fit the whole damn thing in that drawer without causing the machine to freak out and suck excess paper into all its crevices, forcing people to jam pens into nooks and crannies, extracting the paper one scrap at a time all while getting covered in toner. Printer makers, just take note. Just a thought. A little out there, I know. But sleep on it.

And those are all the office supply gripes that I have for the day. Tomorrow we'll talk about my true nemesis, the fax machine.

Posted by blueostrich at 5:36 PM
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