Let me preface this by saying I love the train. There's something liberating about it. Plus, I sleep like a baby on the train. The motion, the sound, I'm out like a light. But what I don't necessarily love about the train is its clientele. Not the sharpest knives in the drawer. This is my experience with a couple of those knives. Butter knives.

I took the Amtrak to Chicago this weekend. The Amtrak is not necessarily known for its timeliness, but if I don't have to drive in the snow in Chicago traffic, I'm fine with it. So the train was about an hour late getting into the BC. And Chicago is one hour different in time from us. Those crazy time zones. It all started when a group of 5 women sitting in the train station tried to figure out our new arrival time in Chicago. Oh dear. I think they had us arriving before we left. The math was really a very poor reflection on the schools in this country. But it gets better.

I purposely go to a different car than them, because they are LOUD and my goal is to sleeeeeep on the train. I get situated and comfy.... and here they come. Great. Oh well, and hello to my friend the iPod. But before I can take refuge in the headphones, they're looking confused. If you've been on a train, you'll know some of the seats in each car face forward and some face backward. These women had clearly not been on a train before. And they were confused. Forward seats, backward seats! What is going on?! So one of them, the 45 year old woman decked out in ripped jeans with bleach splatters and very large flower patches, platform sneakers, a midriff baring looked like it was shorn off Elmo and a white faux fur coat, asks me.... "So, like, do these seats that face backwards, like, go back to Detroit?" I didn't know quite what to do with that. At first I thought she might have been kidding. But then it dawned on me, she was very very serious. She was quite worried that if she sat facing west and her friend sat facing east, they might end up in different cities. And that, that would be bad. Would totally ruin the weekend.

So hello to my friend the iPod. It wasn't doing a great job of tuning them out. They were very loud in plotting their shopping expeditions. I listened with half an ear to ensure I wasn't going to end up in the same stores... A couple hours in, they start getting antsy. Then the bright lights of Gary come into view. And they start standing up and packing up. I'm thinking to myself, "The train stops in Gary?" But the train doesn't stop in Gary. They don't think they're in Gary. The bright lights of Gary become..... the bright lights of Chicago. I watch them pack up and eagerly strain to look out the windows to catch a glimpse of the "sights." Then one of them comes out with, "Oooooh! Look! It's the Sears Tower!" I peer across to see what they're looking at. Maybe I've fallen asleep? Maybe we really are in Chicago? Um, no. It's not the Sears Tower. It's a grain elevator. I'm entirely serious.

And just for good measure, they were on my train back this morning too. They came into my car, loaded down with Target bags (maybe they didn't know that the fine folks at Target have brought their fine establishment to Michigan). This time, I knew better, I got up and left.

Posted by blueostrich at 8:47 PM
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