I was almost involved in an altercation today at Meijer. With someone in one of those little old lady motorized scooter baskets. Except the woman in it was neither that old nor all that little. Somehow, I got stuck behind her. And those scooters go like a half a mile an hour. So I kept trying to pass. But I swear this non-little non-old lady was intentionally not letting me pass. I'd try to scoot around to the left, and she'd veer left. I'd try to slide by on the right, and she'd swerve over to the right. I tried passing on the corner, but grocery shopper traffic was too bad. Then, I thought I outsmarted her and I skipped an aisle and looped back. I get back to the aisle I skipped and there she is, trying to like execute a Y turn in the middle of the aisle or something, and she's managed to get herself stuck perpendicular to the shelves. And she's just going back and forth by inches trying to complete the turnaround. It was like that scene in Austin Powers where he tries to turn the golf cart around. Painfully slow. She finally finishes, but now I'm behind her. Again. So I see my chance, I go to zip by and she stops me... "Miss? Miss? Can you reach that there can on the top shelf for me?" Yes, she's talking to me. So I reach for the can. "No, no, miss, that one there." I get that one there. "Oh, this one has a dent, can you get another?" So I get another. "Hmmm... you know, maybe I should get two cans." So I get another. And I'm stuck behind her now. And we proceed down the aisle at a snail's pace. When I hear, "Miss? Miss? Can you reach that there bag of flour for me?" Yes, she's talking to me. No. We are not doing this. I am not your personal reacher-person. I grabbed that bag of flour, dumped it near-violently in her scooter cart, saw my chance to escape, and ran down the aisle. And I don't hate old people. Really. But this lady wasn't old. And clearly she'd walked her fairly fat ass into the store since it was a Meijer scooter. So clearly, she can stand up. Get your own damn cans and flour.

Posted by blueostrich at 6:42 PM
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